I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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