Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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