I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
