ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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