is your mom at the bar?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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