i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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