Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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