lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
