Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
