I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
