so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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