She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize