I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
