Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
