I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
