she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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