he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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