he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
