Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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