I smell stomach acid.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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