Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
