maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
