So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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