U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
