that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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