I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
