You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
