oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize