i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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