OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
