my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
