yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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