I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
