Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
