U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I love you. Go after that dick
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