Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am mentally ready for anal.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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