You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
