My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
