Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
