Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
