If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
