I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
