had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
