i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
