Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
