I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
