I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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