If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
