we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
