it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
