You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had sex on a roof
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
