So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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