how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
