Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
