he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
