i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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