OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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