I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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