We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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