What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
