Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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