That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize