Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
