so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
