Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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