bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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