It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
