moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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