he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
