"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
