I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
