I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
