remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
