i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
